Even though we know God carries us in His mighty hands it is hard to always see it as we are experiencing life. As I sit here tonight looking back on what God has done for our family I just am feeling so very blessed.
This journey actually began in October of 2009 when he went in for his physical when he turned 65 yrs. It was at that time when Mike’s doctors had the first clue about his health status. The normal number of platelets for a healthy person should be about 150,000 to 400,000 and his were only at 4,000. Shortly after this assessment Mike was diagnosed with Acute Myelodysplastic Syndrome (MDS) Leukemia which is basically cancer in the blood. Mike went through different chemos and the team of doctors and the family thought it was in his best interest to undergo a bone marrow transplant. The bone marrow transplant was not rejected but instead it took quite well… a little too well. The doctors wanted the new bone marrow to attack the cancer cells that he had but the new bone marrow did more than that and began to attack his organs until later he passed of heart failure.
In our hearts it is hard to see where God was in all of that. How could he let such a great husband, father, brother, grandfather and friend pass so young (he was only 66 years old)? Well as we have had some time to absorb what has happened we have seen God’s amazingly loving hands holding us all through this.
The first *Grace-gift * was in the diagnosis. Mike was the sort of man that came right from a John Wayne movie… strong, self-sufficient and a bit stubborn. He did not go to the doctor on a regular basis and having him “just happen” to get a physical actually most likely lengthened his life by at least a year to a year and a half because they were able to do different medical treatments that helped prolong his life which in turn gave us more time with him, for him to have more time with us and for him to work some things out with the Lord.*
Mike, like so many of us, had lead a life filled with many things to include some mistakes. I think that there was a part of Mike’s heart that was hurt from things that occurred in his past that lead him to feel that he wasn’t good enough for God or that he didn’t “fit” into a “church family”. I think one of the reasons that God allowed Mike to live another year was to allow Mike time to realize the truth that he had known deep down for years… that we don’t need to clean ourselves up before coming to Christ it is through Christ that we are made clean*.
One of the blessings that helped open his eyes to God’s love for them was when soon after Mike’s diagnosis their restaurant had sold after being on the market for quite some time. No more were the daunting doubts of how were they going to "keep the restaurant going" looming in their minds while they were facing Mike's health issues. God took that burden and replaced it with peace.*
It was on the Friday, August 19th, 2011 when Connie, Jenn and Chris (via the phone from Illinois) met with the team of doctors who told them that they felt as though Mike’s body was not getting any better and appeared to be getting worse. Chris and I talked after that call and he shared that he felt as though he needed to be there on that Sunday*. He told me it was because he wanted to speak with the head doctor on his dad’s case to get a better idea of what was going on. I asked him if he could just go on Monday because the head doctor would not be in until Wednesday. He told me that he couldn’t explain it, but he just felt * that he needed to be there on Sunday. After a bit more discussion we both felt * we were all to go. Chris tried that night, until about 1 AM to try to book our flight through an online service and then gave up in frustration because the flights would cost us about a $1,000 per ticket and with our savings for our upcoming adoption we just weren’t sure how we could do both. I felt pass over me a second wind* and I took the laptop and continued shopping until we were able to book our travel package* (flight, car and hotel) for a reasonable price and then I drifted off to sleep about 3:00 AM.
Later the next day, we received a call from Connie that Mike was taking a turn for the worse. I then tried to switch our flight to an even earlier one. I tried many times throughout the day and was disconnected at arbitrary times in my calls. I had a peace* that God would work it out so I kept on trying. I finally got connected with Brandon at Orbitz and he was able to book us our travel package that ended up getting us an earlier flight, and better hotel room for $500 less than our original booking * *. Right after I got off the phone the pain in my stomach that I had been feeling began to worsen; I feared that a past health issue was flaring up and I may need to go to the emergency room. “No!” I thought, “not now” I pleaded. I decided it was wise to call Orbitz back and request the travel insurance to cover the cost of our flights in the event my health could possibly mess with our trip. In about an hour my pain had subsided* and I wondered if I made the right decision… $175 in insurance… I felt a peace and continued on with the day*. Each of our obligations and commitments were cared for by friends so we could go.* We finished the projects the Lord had laid before us that day and got on the road that evening to head to our dear friends’ home * in St Louis. Our friend then drove us to the airport in the wee hours of the night so we could catch our flight to Portland. We got there without a “hitch” and were at the hospital that afternoon*.
As we were walking up the steps outside the hospital I could see Connie heading outside to meet us. I turned to our youngest, Zayden (3 yrs), and told him that was his grandma. (The last time they had been together he was 10 months old.) Zayden looked at her as if she was a rock star and jumped into her arms*; it was so clear that moment truly ministered to her heart.
We were all so happy to see each other. To hug each one; Connie, Jenn and Matt (Jenn is Chris’s sister and Matt is her husband). To tell them how thankful we were for all each one had been doing for Dad (& Mom). So many hours spent providing all the comforts they could; each one of them did an incredible job. Our eyes exchanged more than our words could. Our love and thankfulness to them for all the time and effort each one had given and they to us shared glances of sorrow for the scene we were about to see and thankfulness that we were all together for what we all would be soon be experiencing.
The family had shared with us of the great care that Mike had been recieving at OHSU (the research hospital that he was at). It brought them so much comfort to see the amazing caring staff rush into action when the "OK" was given to take Mike from the ICU to his old room on the floor where he had been cared for over the last few months. Mike's big heart and fun sense of humor had touched many. The family had grown to love and care deeply for the staff and the staff had grown to love and care deeply for them as well.*
After going up to the hospital room Chris and my hearts sank (we left the teens and Zayden out in the waiting room in the front and family members took turns being with them as well). Dad was laying the bed with his eyes closed, a thin, sickly version of himself: breathing with a mask of oxygen over his mouth. Our hearts ached as we processed all that we saw. We knew the time was near.
Chris took the opportunity to spend time alone with his dad*. He thanked him for the many ways he taught him to be a man, how he helped him to grow and try to be a better man each day and how he taught him about Jesus. He told his dad of Jesus love for him and for his love for the family. He told his dad how God is caring for him and for all of us and that it is OK for him to go to be with Jesus because God had put Chris in a place to lead and care for the family so Dad didn’t have to worry about them. It was a precious time for Chris to get to tell Mike how much he loved him and how much he knew Mike loved him in return*.
Later that afternoon we spoke one-on-one with Daniel and Molly explaining to them all that we knew about the situation and offering them time to say their good-byes to grandpa.* Daniel chose to go in with Chris so Daniel could talk to Grandpa. Daniel later shared with me that he told his grandpa how much he loved him and how proud he was to be his grandson… that each time someone would mention that he took after him in one way or another Daniel would always take that as a compliment because he respected and valued him so much. On his way out of the room he said to his Grandpa “Grandpa though I am going to miss you, I am not going to say “Good-bye”, I am just going to say “tata for now” because I will see you again in heaven one day.”* Molly shared that she didn’t think she could get the image out of her mind of how he looked so she said she would like for me to see if could take an opportunity to tell him that she loved him and I told her I would try.
Later that evening when Connie and I were in the room with Mike, he opened his eyes and winced his face. After telling the nurse of Mike’s distress I went to his side. Connie was holding his right hand and I held his left. I caressed his forehead with my other hand and spoke to him in a strong voice to make sure he could hear me. “Mike we are all here. Chris is here … (I then listed each of the family members)… I remembered my promise to Molly so I began to tell him… We all love you very much, Molly loves you, Chris loves you… (I then shared of each family member’s love for him and how we know he loves us) and then told him it was OK for him to go with Jesus. After I finished speaking his face relaxed *. When the nurse arrived we told her what had happened and though he looked peaceful now we asked her to increase his morphine just a bit to make sure he stayed comfortable.*
We decided that since we were exhausted we needed to take the kids back to the hotel and get some rest. Connie and Jenn decided to stay in the room with Mike. Connie and Jenn were awoken at the same time.* At about 2 minutes till 6 AM ... then Chris’s cell phone rang. He sprung awake and answered. I heard him say “OK….” then “ Dad, it is OK, we all love you very much, it is OK to go be with Jesus now”…*
At 6:00 AM, with his loving wife and daughter holding his hands and his loving son speaking the words of “Good-bye” from the family, Mike passed into Jesus loving arms and began his eternity with God at the “Forever Jesus Party”. No more pain, no more suffering*.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.” 1 Peter 1:3-5
We had peace of where Dad was and that he was no longer suffering and at the same time each one of us felt overwhelming sadness, wanting to hold each other up as well as feeling a bit numb and lost… not sure what to do next. Though our feelings were intense and not anyone of us was truly ready for it, the time had come for us to trust Jesus 100% for Mike’s eternal salvation and for our comfort and direction.*
After our special times together at the hospital as a family it was time for us to go. Matt and Jenn went home to care for the family’s dogs and be there for each other as they processed the day’s events. Connie went back to the hotel with us. (My sister and our niece had driven up (2 + hr trip) to care for Zayden and be there for our teens; they were staying in the hotel as well.) We all spent the evening together getting to share some giggles and found the much needed distraction in the kids while they were swimming at the hotel pool.*
The next day my sister Denise took her daughter and our teens with her to their home in Eugene so they could have some time away from the reality we were facing. We then spent the next two days holding each other and following the Lord with every detail that needed to be done. The plans were in the works for the memorial service to be held on Friday morning at 11 AM at the Celebration Center in North Bend.*
Since we no longer had a need to stay in the hotel in Portland that we had booked, I called Orbitz to make adjustments. The hotel was gracious enough to refund our money for the later part of the week but the airline didn’t have a bereavement policy and it they told me it would cost $350 more per person to adjust our flight the extra day (we wanted to stay another day so we could help Connie with some things at home). My heart sank until I remembered… “I have the insurance” I told the customer service representative “does that cover it?” I asked. After checking into it she returned to the line and said “yes, yes it does”.* So our flights were cared for as well.*
We then traveled to the coast where Mike and Connie live. We were able to make the program for the service as well as create a slide presentation though we didn’t have the normal computers and programs that we are used to; it all worked out smoothly.*
We met with the folks at the Celebration Center in North Bend. It was a bit nostalgic for me, since this church meets in my old grade school. (It is now used for a church and many ministries focused on helping families and children.) We were greeted and helped by such loving people who literally helped take care of our every need. They truly loved Mike and love Connie and their love for them just overflowed onto every portion of the service.*
The service represented Mike from his sense of humor to his depth of his love for those that he cared about. Folks got to share stories of the impact that he made in their lives*. He had friends and family from the area there as well as loved ones that traveled from a far and even some that were on the phone so they could be a part of the service*. It was obvious that God used his life to touch many.*
After the service was over folks gathered at Mike and Connie’s home for food and fellowship. Pictures were taken, lives were shared and hugs and stories were exchanged. It was a time for us to share in our pain and reconnect with our lives.*
That night our gears were shifted into one of celebration… Zayden was turning 4 years old in 2 days and family members decided to transform a part of the house when he wasn’t looking into a party place complete with cake, balloons and “happy hats”. We managed to turn the party hats into a game where Zayden was quizzed on family member’s names and in turn they got to wear a “happy hat” - many giggles ensued with pictures that followed. It was a welcomed time for all.*
One by one the extended family left until it was just Connie, her sister Cathy, Jenn, Matt and our family. We ate together and shared time together as our hearts continued to be intertwined throughout the whole experience.*
Our thoughts then turned to more logistical things each one of us could do to minister to Connie… paperwork, organizing, cleaning etc. Plans have begun for times to share with one another… looking to the future of what the Lord has in store for us.*
As we each have begun to take steps back into our “everyday lives” we have begun to define a new “normal”. None of us are really ready to embrace it just yet and so glad we don’t have to ...because God won’t give us more than He can handle.
Look back with us through this note and see all the times “ * “ when God was carrying us, guiding us, providing for us … these are the reasons why we take comfort that even though we don’t know what the future holds ahead for us; we are trusting in the One who does.
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:33-34
4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. Phil 4:4-9
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13
He has clearly defined our job and His. We are to trust Him because He is in control.
I just love how Jenn put it “Even though my tears are like big drops of rain, I feel peace. I feel so much closer to the Lord now, because I know He has my Dad.”
We send out our thanks to each one that has lifted us up in prayer and who has reached out to the family in some way. We praise the Lord for each of you and pray blessings upon you.
In Jesus love,
Mike’s other daughter…
DonnaLisa J
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